My Big Fat Dysfunctional Family
by le stylo
Summary: A story of how one of King Laharl's children views her family as Christmas comes around... (Late X-mas thing ;;)Omake Update!
1. Introductory Diary

Disclaimers: Don't own Disgaea… I made up some characters but that's about it.

My Big Fat Dysfunctional Family  
Chapter I: Introductory Diary

_I am Akina, one of the three heirs to King Laharl. Currently, I am thirteen years of age in human years. (I dislike counting by demon years; it makes me feel terribly old) The Netherworld has had their hands full with father's 'unnatural disasters' the last couple years. Do all great overlords have powers to DO that? Mother said that when father was about my age, beginning his evil reign, the worst possible things he could do was swing his sword around, swear and throw meteors in anger. Now it seems that feeling any excessive emotion allows him to 'unconsciously' tap into greater power. It is too bad father's trying hard to control his anger above all his emotions. Father swearing, swinging a sword around and hurling meteors would be quite the spectacle.  
Anyway I have two siblings. My older brother's name is Oskari. Because he is older by a few minutes he is next in line to the throne. I really don't care much for the throne, I just hate that people treat me as if I 'm way younger than him. Oskari probably would just go along with it. I can think of other ways to make a living. Hell, I have a long life ahead of me, plenty of time to decide. Big brother is very quiet but I know his mind is that of an evil mastermind. I enjoy pondering of what he is secretly concocting in his silence.  
The youngest is Ferez. He is… cute. Very cute. And scary. Ferez resembles father save the "antennas" on his head. The scary thing about him is that though he is 'almost' an exact replica of father, he has the sunny disposition of mother, unbearably happy, energetic and even can say love with a straight face.  
About me, I am thirteen years of age, as stated above. I believe I am the most mentally stable of all my siblings and my social level is normal as well. (Oskari talks too little, Ferez TOO much) At school I'm the sarcastic bitch on a high horse; so my classmates say behind my back. I can't help being sarcastic it's how I am. Besides, I don't need admiration from my peers. Who needs admiration from their classmates when a castle full of vassals and other people who live in it (for whatever reason) adores you? I'm top ranking in all my classes but the still new love class created by mother. It bothers mother that I can't express love 'wholly.' To be honest, I doubt I can express love at all. _

Akina

Author's Notes: Happy (belated) new years everyone! I was planning on uploading this much sooner… As in Christmas sooner but I didn't finish the whole story by then… and it was my plan for the whole Christmas break… Oh well… It was supposed to be some sort of gift but whatever… It may be a while for me to update this… I had writer's block along the many attempts of writing this fic and I probably need a better name as well. It's like a "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" thing in a way… It's my feeble attempt at humor… and at something not romance focused. But it's also a Christmas fic… - ;;; Curse writer's block…. Curse school… Curse everything else… Don't forger to Review!


	2. Warning! Spreading Epidemic Christmas! P...

Disclaimers: Disgaea not mine.

Warning! Spreading Epidemic Christmas! Pt.I

"Fuyuu…foo…foo…unnn…a….ah?"

A blonde woman felt around, eyes half closed vision blurry. She adjusted her vision to find the pillow next to her empty. It got her to be wide-awake, to say the least.

"Laharl?" she questioned to no one in particular, followed by a groan of agitation.  
_  
'He left early again!' _

The woman slid off the bed and yawned, stretching, her red wings fluttering. Her eyes roamed and landed on the calendars posted on the wall. Perhaps looking through them could take her mind off of her husband. She made her way to them and observed the Netherworld calendar. Not a holiday or event seemed to be taking place at the-

"Queen Flonne!"

The queen despite still being a bit irritated met the source of the voice with a pleasant smile. The woman had long raven hair; her class is a healer.

"Yes, what is it Sachi?"  
"Because of the Prinnies' constant complaints the king proposed today to be Prinny Day."

The queen nodded to indicate for the raven-haired woman to go on.

"Thus making the other vassals… couch potatoes." "How horrible!" squeaked Flonne, "we have to do something about it!"

"Agreed. I hate to be the one to be working all the time! Not that being your chambermaid is horrible your highness."

The queen just turned to look at the Celestian calendar, noting that _she _would have the day off if she were still an angel. She let her finger glide on the glossy paper until it landed on a certain box. Her eyes widened.

"I'm positively certain that P.L.A.G Day is the exact equivalent to the humans' Christmas!"

Sachi stared at her queen with a puzzled look topped with the she-has-gone-mental look. Flonne kept her finger on the P.L.A.G Day box as she looked for the 'equivalent' in the humans' calendar.

"They are!"

"So they are." The maid feigned a gasp after her statement that was filled with puzzlement and sarcasm.

"Why, yes!"

The demon-maid shuddered as the queen turned to her, fire literally burning passionately in her eyes. An uncharacteristic smirk befell the former angel trainee.

"Sachi?"

"Yes, my queen?"

"I have a plan!"  
Queen Flonne had an idea but first she needed to convince the senators (who at Prinny Day lazed around as well.) She gathered them with the help of Sachi. Even though she and Laharl ruled the Netherworld, the senators still decided whether it was rational.

The Queen's personal maid paced around in a hallway only to encounter Akina. She had stopped the maid on her 20th round of pacing; eyebrows raised a sullen expression on her face.

"What in _hell_ are you doing?"

"Oh… ah… nothing."

The child walked ahead, without looking back. The maid glared at her and once the princess disappeared into one of the many doors, she paced once more.

_'Christmas…? The hell is that? I only hear it at times, but only between the king and queen.'  
_

Flonne was lead back to the Overlord's castle by Plenair. She was silently congratulating herself the whole way.

_'It took longer than expected, but I did it!' _

She headed towards the throne room, victory written all over her smile, in the way she walked, greeted people and even the way her hair was glistening. Once she arrived in the throne room she turned to Dratti and asked whether the female dragon vassal had seen her maid.

"She's pacing in one of the hallways." "Uhh… Thanks."

Tired of pacing, the maid finally settled down, leaning on a door for support as she slumped to the ground. Sachi heard footsteps, too much for one person to make. She also heard a chorus of giggling. A chorus… it definitely couldn't be one person.

"There you are!"

"Ah! Queen Flonne!"

"So you were here all along. On my search for you I sort of got sidetracked…"

"Oh, I see… Did it go well?"

The queen nodded her usual soft serene smile planted on her face.

"Big sister Sachi!"

A little boy jumped from behind the blonde fallen angel and into the arms of the raven-haired demon. Sachi stroked the child's blue hair, brushed a few locks behind his ears and tightened her grasp on him. The child returned the affection, snuggling into the woman's chest and just as tightly held her.

"Hey Ferez, what's that?" Ferez broke the hug, and held two scrolls before the maid.

"It's a list of mommy's things to do, see?"

As soon as he finished his sentence he unraveled the scrolls. They draped all over the floor, and had writing from top to bottom. The healer's _eyes_ widened at the list and twitched. She looked as if she mouthed something along the lines of "that's a lot!"

"Isn't it? It should be more than enough to remedy the laziness. Laharl spoils his vassals!"

Flonne turned to Ferez and patted him on the head, instructing him as she did so. With obedience he saluted her, and dashed off.

"I guess I'll go eat brunch and then get the meeting started!"

"May I make a suggestion your highness?"

The queen turned to the healer with an inquisitive look. The maid pointed at the other woman's attire.

"Perhaps you should dress first."

Flonne looked down and her eyes widened, color rushing to her face.

"Oh my! No wonder there has been many eyes on me today. I thought I've gone popular!"

Akina sighed poking two needles into a stuffed bear.

_'I'm so bored! Someone… help me.' _

"AKINA!"

In a nanosecond, Akina collapsed to the floor, her little brother atop her. He was giggling madly, an innocent yet devious look on his face. With sincere interest the elder girls asked Ferez what he was carrying out. In a cute youthful voice he replied childishly that _mommy_ wanted them to gather everyone. A sigh escaped the elder girl's lips.

_'It's better than nothing…' _

One corner of Akina's mouth twitched upward.

"Let's get Osakari."

"YEAH!"

Akina and Ferez passed by Sachi and stopped.

"Helloo!"

The maid greeted them happily with a gentle smile as she pulled the cart of dirty laundry to a stop.

"As much as we love to bound around and bust eardrums with pointless announcements…"

"We're going to see big brother!"

The maid smiled at the youngest prince and then at his sister. She felt a warm feeling she couldn't describe when any of the king's children confided in her. The more 'pointless' it was the warmer the feeling… Before she went on her own dreadful little way to clean all the grubby laundry in her cart she told them that if they needed her at all, all they needed to do was call.

Ferez inhaled a huge amount of air and as he attempted to shriek in a shrill voice, he was stopped by a deadly glare from his sister, a _'special technique' _she referred to as the _'basilisk's_ _gaze' _She then turned to the door, eyes blank, fists clenched, weighing the options. She was eager to know her mother's plans, and since they involved the whole Netherworld it must be a _huge_ plan. She let her fist shoot at the door and stopped only an inch from fist-door connection.  
Then again, she thought, it'd be more fun to surprise him. In the sneakiest way she could, she opened the door and slipped in, her little brother following suit. They found Oskari sitting down on his bed, back to the door, oblivious to them. He had something in his hand, it looked like a book or something with pages; perhaps he was writing? Akina shrugged and approached him, hands behind her back.

"What 'cha doing?" she asked slyly.

The "victim" hurriedly shoved whatever he was occupied with under his covers. He turned to his sister, his face; at least what was visible of it due to his huge red scarf had a tinge of pink.

"My, my big brother… Was _that_ porn?"

A long stretch of silence passed between the siblings, then…

"No."

"What's porn?" piped in the little one with _much_ curiosity and interest. The female just chuckled quietly her twin was silent.

"_What _is it? Aki? Oshi?"

Despite the agitation in the twins' younger brother's voice, they did not say a word. Ferez resorted to pouting and muttering about Akina's pointless amusement. Shoving the past "subject" from before aside, Akina told Oskari their reason for being in his room in the first place. Oskari developed a plan.

A/N: The second chapter to this story… Yay! After this there will be an Omake (perhaps) on Oskari's "plan." I read that Oshi meant to push or something… I'm not quite sure, but Ferez has this thing with ending names with an "ee" ending. So I decided on Oshi, basically because I couldn't think of anything better. Part II will be much shorter. I just cut the other half of this chapter because it was long. P.L.A.G stands for "**P**eace **L**ove **A**nd **G**enerosity." I couldn't really think of anything better for this also. I really can't think of many things that could be better. ;-;  
What's with the Christmas thing? And was Oskari really looking at porn? Err.. just review!

This is dedicated Muk Master and Bella. I felt all floaty, gained motivation and started working immediately after I saw their comments. Thank you very much. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Bella- I'd love to swap and give a description of the kids. I'm wishing I could show a picture of the kids… unfortunately there's that… thing with not having a scanner problem. -


	3. Warning! Spreading Epidemic Christmas! P...

Disclaimers: Don't own Disgaea

Warning! Spreading Epidemic Christmas! Pt.II

"I have proposed that we will celebrate Christmas this year and the senators gave their okay. We will ready ourselves for this holiday and until then everyone _will _work. I do _not_ care if it is Prinny Day or _not_. I accept only _probable_ excuses, thank you."

The queen had all the vassals lined up, asking vital questions to give the right vassal the right job. They whispered amongst themselves. Once she was finished making a list of things to do she posted them, and told the vassals in a poisonous tone that she expected them to work. The vassals then took turns in reading off their name and job. Flonne watched with a defiant look that fell as quickly as it came, seeing clueless vassals, some mumbling worriedly to themselves about getting the job done. The vassals who had already seen their job looked bewildered, and ready to piss on themselves with fright. After all, the queen _could_ get really scary when she was angry.

"Everyone, I completely forgot about the decorations." The queen chuckled to herself sheepishly and then apologized to everyone.

The young demons watched in awe at what was taking place. The children knew about Christmas due to their celestian history teacher who moved to the Netherworld to teach all kinds of history to the younger demons. Speak of the devil. The history teacher came running in the throne room huffing and wheezing.

"Christmas? We're really celebrating it, Flonne?"

"Yes, unfortunately, I was so focused on ending this bad streak of laziness that I forgot all about the decorations! We both know we can't do much without them."

"Same as always, Flonne."

Flonne looked at her friend quizzically.

"Well, we need two parties, one will go to Celestia and the other to the human world."

Nadine the history teacher agreed to go to Celestia, and literally dragged Oskari with her, ignoring the lists within the queen's hand. Flonne glanced at her other two children. Ferez seemed occupied, playing with another young demon, and Akina didn't even meet her gaze. A familiar sultry voice volunteered, and a scantily clad demon, the owner of the voice, stepped forward. She gave an air of awe to everyone and was aware of all the eyes glancing her way. Flonne gasped, and gave the female demon a warm friendly smile of welcome with an utter of her name in a voice barely above a whisper. The demon slid one of the lists from Flonne's hands and smiled cheekily. The fallen angel gave her friend a strange look, but the sultry individual only wagged her fingers, assuring that she won't mess anything up. That sultry demon caught Akina's eyes.

"I'll go!"

The sultry demon smirked, twirling locks of her pink bangs.

"Looks like I've got a little minion!"

The queen looked a little taken aback but she quickly regained composure and nodded her head in approval. Before taking off with the princess, the sultry demon randomly chose a golem more specifically a Gogmagog to come as well.

Upon arriving at Earth the group was stared strangely by groups of children and adults alike dressed as Eskimos. As secure as Akina is usually, she couldn't help but feel _very_ uneasy under the gaze of these… these… people. The elder demon beside her sensed her discomfort and patted her back in a comforting way. The princess then began to regain her proud posture very visible within how she now glanced around and how she held her head high. She snuck a glance at her _huge _companion and immediately felt ashamed for being so unnerved. The golem had his hands residing on both cheeks in an attempt to hide; he looked like how she did one time after gaining one-no, _two big _red zits on her nose. She realized that the stares upon him were much more intense and there would be more goggling, searching eyes on him because of his size.

"What skimpy clothes!"

For whispers that were muffled by hands surrounding the tellers' mouths, they were still loud, and this pissed Akina off. What was the _point_ of trying to talk in secret when they were so _loud _the whole town could hear? She believed that if people were trying to talk behind others' backs, they should _at least_ do it right. The residents then turned on the golem.

"Look at the big scary guy!"

The golem now resorted to keeping his eyes on the ground. Akina's fist began to shake in anger and before she knew it she was snapping at the "spectators."

"Leave him alone!"

Some immature group of children, perhaps around her age began to laugh and point.

"Why?"

The blue haired demon quickly thought something up.

"He's my uncle. Got a problem with that? So he's dressed like some hybrid between a snowman and ghost. What's your problem?"

The gullible people believed the witty princess and all shrugged. The elder pink haired demon grinned.

_'Jeez, you'd think with all the humans' fake costumes they'd be able to tell whether something is real or not!' _

Even as the humans turned to look away, many muttered amongst themselves.

"They still look skimpy!"

Akina quickly relinquished her fist, and needless to say, it was glowing a really demonic red.

"Let's go! I'm itching to put my hair up again!"

The pink haired demon indicated her hair that was cleverly covering her pointy ears but she was too used to having her hair up. So before the young demon could do any damage, the pink haired demon quickly dragged the golem and the demon princess into a store.

All the decorations were gathered, and it was finally time to deck the halls. Everyone was working, hanging excessive amounts of garland, stockings and other trinkets. The queen watched the sight with stars in her eyes, as was Sachi. That was until the thought struck her that she and a couple others would be cleaning again. In the middle of the decorating the overlord returned and at the sight of the optimistic, unfamiliar setting screeched at the top of his lungs.

A/N: I personally love this chapter; maybe it's because of the ending. Oh well. Whatever it is… I like it. I'm editing the other chapters up like heck. Well, my author's notes anyway… the last one didn't even look right. XD haha! I read it and felt very compelled to break my sides laughing. I make too much mistakes, I'm thinking of forcing myself to read through more than twice now… I decided to make an earlier update than I expected myself to because of a boring "holiday." I seriously was lost, and astonished that I was off Monday… I wasn't aware it was Martin Luther King Day until I heard it like ten times. I'm too used to watching that one cartoon My Friend Martin or something a few days before I guess…

Bella: I get names in many ways… Sometimes I relate characters to some RL friends; sometimes I read fanfiction, mythology, and information of a different country or something that inspires me or catches my attention somehow. For the children I looked up foreign names. I had a list of many names I wanted to use actually… I had to ask my friends to narrow the list down. Ferez I decided to keep for the young one because I thought it sounded awfully cute.

Akina (Japanese) Spring Flower  
(I thought it would be so Flonne to give her daughter a flower name of some sort.)

Oskari(Finnish) Leaping Warrior, Deer Lover

(I planned to name him Ichiro, which would translate to "the first" in Japanese, but Oskari won in my little list. one of my friends made sure I named him Oskari. So, I decided that I'd give him an interest in swordplay.)

Ferez Precious one/Strike  
(I forgot where the name came from… I read something that said it meant strike and I sort of remember reading precious one, which suits Ferez a lot. I was looking up a culture, which I can't even remember right now… (Perhaps Russian?) Lately I have been forgetting things. - Ferez is also a word in French a form of faire (to do/to make) in the future form, however I believe it's pronounced different in French.)


	4. Omake! Dress and Exposed

Omake!  
Dress and Exposed (History)

"You're aunt Etna."

The statement sounded raspy, yet solid and coherent. The pink haired demon smirked in response. A chuckle came out her mouth, a low-pitched chuckle that sounded musical. It was a chuckle that didn't match the situation and her facial expression with a fang glinting brightly and mischievously as her eyes.

"Ferez may not know you, for he was young but I remember you and if Oskari was still there he probably would have too."

"So serious… Are you sure you're _related _to King Laharl? Or Flonne for that matter…"

As Etna said this, she maneuvered around the shop, grabbing some _interesting _clothes. Akina just followed. She didn't feel it was necessary to answer her _aunt's _questions though she did answer it inwardly. She was nothing like her mother, perhaps a bit like her father, and there were visible traits that tied her to the two however…_ I'm not father or mother. I'm just me. _

"I noticed that you aren't in the castle a lot."

"Yeah, I have a job to make sure there're no rebellions and currently I live somewhere out of the castle, in a village quite far. Y'know, I can't believe I'm saying this but I _miss_ babysitting Laharl."

Akina crossed her arms, heaving a sigh. Etna was wishing to get back to how things were. She didn't think she'd ever feel that way about anything. So far life has been… empty. And she expected her long life to stay that way.

"I'm still a vassal, though I'm more like an ambassador now- I miss our adventures. Your father… he can make things _really _interesting."

Right now she really didn't know what that meant. She barely saw her father, and her mother would be busy maintaining the castle, though tried very hard to spend time with her children. Occasionally, it was her mother's excuse to get out of something uninteresting, but she told the truth. Usually when there were off days the family, if all were there would spend the whole day together fulfilling Queen Flonne's silly little plans. She had to admit her dad was amusing on a scale especially when it came to arguing. However, she kept a good distance from both her parents, and her twin had even more of a distance. Right now though, Ferez is showered with most of the attention from Flonne and Laharl even. It is logical for he is the youngest, needs the attention, and therefore gets it. _He basks in it._ Akina shook her head, she did not want to think so much into it, and she may come across something she regretted.

Before she knew it, Akina was flailed into the dressing room, and into one of the booths, which was big enough for the two. The booth, looked like a mini mental asylum… perhaps it was even equivalent in size, it was the same color, though the walls weren't padded. The little room had two mirrors, and two small benches. Etna removed what little clothing she had unashamed. She turned to her 'niece'. Akina felt a pang in her stomach but remained looking cool and collected. Before the princess knew it, the older demon had slid behind her and groped her chest. The girl gasped, and instinctively jumped back. Etna chortled while the young girl flushed, and crossed her arms over her chest protectively.

There was silence, as Etna fitted some clothes, looking at different ones, mixing and matching. As she finished sticking her head out of a cotton material shirt and fixed a scarf around her neck, she spoke to the young girl with a tone of a Wiseman and recollection.

"Reminds me of back then…"

_Groping? What? Don't tell me- _The younger girl looked appalled. Every second that passed before Akina's 'aunt' spoke the deeper her head fell into the gutter.

"Yours are _kinda_ big."

"What?"

"When I was around your age…" Etna began, grabbing another bundle of clothes to try out.

Akina knew this wasn't going to be a snooze fest story, after all this was Etna. Etna! She was one of a few of Akina's idols. Not only that, they were about what she just groped, and _that's _personal!

"I had none."

She continued to play dress up while the blue haired female just stood in awe. THE Etna? _Fla_t at her age? _She said it like it didn't matter_. She accessed the information slowly, glancing at the pink haired demon's chest and then back at the floor. Those _things_? They were less than the Succubus Demons' however they _were_ something! The elder demon walked towards her, finally having chosen something out of the many clothes she brought. She now wore a black vest made of faux fur, under them was a thin gray long sleeve shirt with a turtle neck, dark jean skirt, her usual boots that complimented the gray shirt and a small round hat. It made her look very… human. She grinned chortling at the same time, running a hand through one of her low pigtails. Akina immediately put on her guard, looking courageously at Etna, though the latter knew better. She knew that the young one wasn't only on her guard, she was a bit frightened too; it was obvious with her shaking fist and slightly twitchy eyes.

"Get undressed."

_Hell no! _

There was a sigh from Etna and she picked out a few clothes and handed them over to Akina.

"I won't look." She said and turned around so she wasn't facing the girl _or _one of the mirrors.

She heard some shuffling of clothes and she knew that the princess had complied.

"I guess the girls in this generation just grow faster…"

"Hmph."

"Well, I didn't really care much for breasts… Flonne would kill me if I said anything-"

"Huh?"

"Well… let's just say… that she too looked flat… Flat as walls."

This didn't shock the latter too much. It isn't much of a surprise if Etna was flat too. But, she _could _see where it hurts.

"You know… we had a contest once."

_On chest groping?_

The girl continued to dress.

"I can recall it right now… Between me and Flonne, Jennifer _somehow_ got into it."

Silence. The blue haired girl stayed quiet. She tried to imagine the 'contest.'

"Basically, she won with an iron fist! Laharl being the judge…"

A frown formed on the woman's face. Her eyes burned ferociously. Laharl was afraid of sexy bodies then, but he still insulted the only type of women he _could_ stand being around. Akina turned around, finishing up with tying an indigo ribbon into her hair. She was now dressed in a non sleeved indigo shirt, with matching arm warmers and dark blue jeans, and of course the finishing touch… an indigo cat hat (which she had put on hesitantly.)

"The king back then! Oh he…"

Akina watched her scandalous interpretation of her father. She showed no emotion but she was amused.

"How can I judge _those_? There's really NO _difference. _UGH!"

Akina's lips twitched upward at the sultry demon's exasperation.

"Oh, you're done!"

The girl nodded stupidly. She felt _stupid_, probably _looked_ stupid, and so therefore is. Etna stepped aside so the girl could see the mirror. She decided that she'd look better without the cat hat. _Too late. I guess I'll wear it. It's better than the displaying hat hair. _

"Remember…"

"What?"

"The lesson of the story is not to let your chest bother you, which shouldn't even worry _you, _your mother on the other hand being older than me…"

"And?" The princess asked, arching an eyebrow, ignoring the little comment on her mom.

"It's a powerful _weapon_. Even lured, yet frightened your father."

"I'll keep that in mind."

Etna picked the other clothes they weren't purchasing up and placed them on the bench. She carried her own clothes, and decided she'd ask for something to carry it in because they were walking out dressed in the human clothes whether the clerk liked it or not. Before they walked out the dressing room Etna turned to Akina.

"You showed a _very_ human side of yourself back there, with those humans..."

The princess continued to look ahead. She looked unfazed but inside she couldn't help but think about those words.

_Those words burn like hell…_

A/n: Yay omake! I love omake! They're just so fun. This is what happened in the dressing room. Was Etna so easy to figure out? ;-; poo… Ah well… Well this is dedicated to my beloved "sister" who's b-day is yes, at Valentine's Day. Oh and a mini thingy is below the author notes… We all know Etna's truly sensitive about her chest, and she's very self-conscious about it(She was lying about not caring lol). Maybe now cause she's got some she's all arrogant. So here's a little Etna thing in script form. Before that… the aunt Etna thing… It's a polite, familiar and respectful thing… Well, it is in my culture… In this fic it's just a way to show Akina's respect towards her and perhaps some other people she's obligated to be polite to.

Bella: That's interesting .Wow though… Disgaea Novels- I need more info on those

Self Conscious Etna  
Some random day in the Netherworld… (Let's say the day after Jennifer arrived)

Etna: looking at herself in mirror Looking good!

Etna's grin fades as thoughts of the new blonde comrade appears in her mind

Etna: Dammit. That… that… Fuming as she stuffs a handful of the items on her desk into her top

The demon grins at the mirror once more and again her grin falters at how the items were trying to squeeze themselves out.

Etna: Perhaps… Glances at a box of tissues and immediately starts stuffing

Voice: Hello? Hello?

Etna: Crap. starts to hastily lug out all the stuffing

-knock. Knock

-Tchk Tchk

Etna: eyes widen, still trying to remove the stuffing.

Voice: I'm coming in!

-creak…Jennifer: abruptly opens door It's time for breakfast.

Etna: mumbles Darn that insufferable…

Jennifer: Ehh?

Etna: manged to pull the remainder stuffing before Jennifer noticed

Jennifer: Oh… are you alright? Starring with concern at the demon and the pile of tissue scattered

Etna: Yeah… just a little cold. Sweat drops

Jennifer:Are… you sure?

Etna: nods

Jennifer: okay then. Let's go!

End

Wow… that's like an omake in an omake! I enjoyed writing this whole thing. R/R onegai!

Etna: bashes the author

Ow….

Etna: Come here… Pulls author by her ear

Hey what are you-

everything blacks out and there are sounds of walloping and gunshots


	5. Of Dear Santa’s and Confidential Angels

**Disclaimers: Don't own Disgaea**_  
_

Of Dear Santa's and Confidential Angels

_It's been a week since the castle has been trimmed to the extreme. Ten more weeks 'till Christmas and a few extra days I have to endure of this 'happy' torture. Mother outdid herself telling people over and over about Christmas and Santa, making me retch every time. Christmas actually began for me last week when I volunteered to buy ornaments with Aunt Etna. I was curious about her, and to be honest that was the only reason I went. I found that humans were such ignorant creatures on Earth. Many I could imagine as demons. My pink haired idol had pulled me into a dressing room, telling me how 'human' I was defending Mort, our big friend. She also got me to dress as a human, warm, comfy and despicably cute. She enjoyed playing dress up, though she seems to really like the cold and would've been fine in just her normal revealing leather suit alone. The clothes she picked out for me exactly fit my body, and she noticed my chest… a little too much. She reminisced about her past, telling it to me it was a story full of morals, and some insults about mother. Insults, I'm sure, that would make my mom flip. _

Not to self: Males attracted to huge chest. Accentuate for occasions… and-

Akina paused, and crossed out 'accentuate for occasion' and replaced it with 'accentuate whenever possible.'

_Once we got back, many lazy asses were already working. Many were very amused by the colorful trinkets. Some vassals had managed to make off with some gingerbread and candy canes. Before the whole castle was finished, father returned home, I didn't see him come for I was in the throne room, observing the highly decorated throne but I knew he was there, for his voice was so recognizable and loud. I heard mother, scolding him in an equally loud voice, trying to explain and calm him down and planned that the whole family decorate the 'main' tree that was just right by the throne. Father for some reason was enjoying hanging useless things on the equally useless tree. In fact, he enjoyed it SO much that he volunteered to decorate the others. This week everyone's worried about writing a letter of lists of things they like. I'm writing one myself.  
Akina _

Akina got up from the coffin where she was writing in, stretched and walked out into the throne room. She looked up at the tree her family decorated, remembering some argumentations over where to put what, and some disappointment of the screech of glass as ornaments were clumsily dropped, smashing into billions of speckles of shards. The blur of faces and expressions on them whizzed past the princess' head as she scrunched her forehead, hoping to gain inspiration. It was hard to think already, and even harder to get inspired what with her little brother's shrill voice ringing loudly and bouncing off the walls to echo into her ears. Ferez was sitting on King Laharl's lap constantly asking him "spell this!" and "spell that!"  
The blue haired female groaned.

"What is it Akina?"

Akina stood frozen in place; the only movement was her head turning to face her father. His voice was overpowering.

"What is… what?"

"Anything wrong?"

"No, I just find all of this…"

She paused and spread her arms out to emphasize all.

"Is ridiculous."

"I think it's fun!" chirped the young child, looking up from parchment. Laharl nodded in agreement to his young son, being nudged and verbally harassed by the cute boy. He glanced around cautiously, and sighed with relief. One slip of the tongue and wrong movement and he'd be sleeping on the cold, clammy stone floor for the night or perhaps longer. If he was caught, that is.

"I'm making a list and letter."

"You too?" Laharl smacked his forehead, "So is Oskari."

Akina giggled. Oskari didn't complain about anything going on. Oskari actually hadn't filed ONE complaint all his life!

"It's pointless. I just don't have inspira-"

"That's 'cause you're boring!" the Laharl-clone yelled.

"I just don't have your enthusiasm for this crap. I envy you," Akina replied dryly.

"That's okay, I'll help you sis!"

Silence. Scratch. Scratch. The quill's noise comforted the young prince as he scribbled in a notebook in his silence solemnly. He smiled at a rolled up piece of parchment on his left, and continued with his endeavor. A young female archer walked in his room, her form shaking anxiously. "Prince."

Her voice sounded surprisingly calm and steady. Heat rushed to her cheeks as she continued to glance at the prince, her heart beating wildly in fits of nervousness, her mind in a haze, the world spinning-it all stopped when she focused her attention on the floor.

"What?"

The archer tried to speak, but the only things that left her mouth were stuttered inaudible words. For a split second, she just stood there dumbly, and then rushed out the door. Oskari raised an eyebrow and noticed a piece of paper the shape of an angel swerve around as if it was dancing with the wind drop on the floor gracefully. It landed on what appeared to be the back. The prince looked at the front decorated side with the plump circular face, yellow hair and 2-D halo attached to the head(which looked surprisingly familiar) then turned it to the back once more, on the top were the words 'secret wish' and on the bottom 'name.'

The archer dashed until reaching the end of the hall, stopping for a break, leaning a hand on her chest to feel the rapid beating of her heart and the quick heave of her chest.

"Whew… It's so unnerving… just being around him."

"We still have to study?"

After this statement all ears were perked, listening intently.

"Yes. It's mandatory.

There were several groans at the answer. A young brawler glared at the older celestian in front of the board, and he twitched in annoyance only to have a smile returned.

"At the request of Queen Flonne we will learn about-."

"About Christmas?"

A young demon spoke up, bright eyes gleaming behind spectacles grinning scornfully at Akina who ignored it.

"Also called P.L.A.G Day."

Everyone turned to Oskari who stared blankly ahead, with mouths agape. Nadine smiled at him and praised him.

"Today we will start with-"

"Akina keeps kicking me!"

The accused didn't bother to defend her self, she just did as she was told and moved away. The plaintiff bit on her bottom lip presenting her fangs, while the accused returned a death glare, and a finger crudely standing all alone on its own.

_'I'll have your head Elma, served swelteringly hot on a golden platter.' _

By the time class drew to a close, Elma began tauntingAkina. She had slid over slowly, purposefully, to the desk of her nemesis, and snatched up her list. Her eyes inspected her list as well as Akina's contrasting the two.

"My, my. So selfish are we? Don't you have enough already, princess?"

"I don't hide, unlike you, always cloaking your own selfishness and covetousness."

Akina's words made the young succubus demon tick. Elma looked insane, a crazed look behind circular frames. The princess smiled sickly sweet at her rival, adding 'dead Elma' onto her list, and proceeded to leave the classroom only stopping to let her twin know that she was skipping the rest of class and any other class planned that day. In a flash she was gone from class unnoticed she darted around corners undetected, heading back to her safe haven… Her room. She kicked her shoes off as she entered, and sat down on her bed, deciding to convert her list into a letter to 'Santa.' She much preferred being within the coffin that lay forlorn in the corner of her parent's bedroom, but it was too much of a risk, for if her mother found out-she shook her head and then groaned, remembering the sensation of the dark blue velvet in the coffin making contact with her bare skin. She'd have to deal without the coffin for now.

_Sshwoop! _

A sword flew at Oskari, he ducked in time, the sword barely missing his face. A few delicate strands of hair were minced however. He stood within the center of the fighting square, open to many attacks. That was what he wanted. He stood alert, gaze sharp, waiting for more attacks to be brought upon him and he silently expressed his contentment that Akina skipped. Oskari often was drawn into battle royals where several challengers wish to thrash him before even starting with each other, however Akina would protectively join him. As annoying as it was getting attacked at all angles, he felt he had to prove himself, for many of his male peers sometimes believe him weaker than his sister because of her protectiveness of him which makes him seem so fragile compared to her.

Suddenly there was a heavy weight upon his back. He looked through the corner of his eyes to see that he was in Elma's clutches! She whistled and her clique came running, and they all jumped onto Oskari in frenzy, bringing him down. Hard. He groaned under the weight, his male peers appeared within his field of vision and laughed.

"How do you feel?" A rogue asked.

"Dreadful."

But no one seemed to have heard. This would be one of the benefits of having Akina. He suddenly wished his sister _did_ stay for the remainder of schooling.  
Many vassals came rushing into the throne room and anywhere else Christmas trees were located. They were taking their sweet time looking at the tree with wonder(as they've been doing for the past days) as they hung their angel shaped paper on the trees' foliage. Laharl looked around uninterested, ready to fall asleep, feeling misplaced in all the 'crap' that was happening. Queen Flonne elbowed the nearly sleeping figure, eyes glowing as bright as the lights on the trees.

_Click. Click. _

Akina jumped from where she was at and fled into her closet. A plump circular head  
peeped into her room, ruby eyes glancing around searchingly.

"Is anyone here?"

The intruder stood in the center of the room, pushing his knees against the bed, putting an index finger into his mouth, now looking more youthful than ever. The 'convict' within the closet held in any words she felt compelled to scream. She however couldn't keep the words in.

"No body's here!"

"I thought somebody was here!"

Just as Akina slapped her hands onto her mouth sheepishly, the closet door opened.

"Aki! Aren't you supposed to be finishing a few more minutes of class?"

"Shh…"

The little boy smirked. He figured that his elder sister perhaps had been taking refuge almost the whole day within her room. He also knew she probably felt stupid. He turned at the sound of a low familiar voice.

"Oski!"

"Hey, there!"

Akina waved a little, and her eyes widened as she inspected her brother's bruised appearance. Her pink lips curled into a cunning smirk.

"What happened here?" "Got jumped."

Oskari placed a hand on the back of his head sheepishly. At this Akina laid her hand upon her brother's bruised cheek and caressed it, her smirk lessening but still apparent. The young prince explained everything that happened in a few words and handed Akina a paper angel like he had afterwards.

"Oh. Thanks, I guess."

Akina inspected the paper as Ferez babbled on and on about it. To stop him, the blue haired demon smiled and patted his head softly.

"Why were you in here in the first place?"

"Since school released us a little bit earlier, I was bored so I took up opening doors and peeking in." Akina rolled her eyes. Her young brother had the attention span of a roach. Akina hurriedly wrote a wish onto the angel. The three children of the overlord then crept towards the throne room, stepping aside to the countless vassals flooding in. Many of them were telling each other what they wished for. Unintentionally.

"Dear Santa I…"

"Dear Santa…" "Dear."

Luckily for them, there were so much of them that their voice droned out into an unintelligible sound, a chorus of a mess. Everyone knew, even the demons, that wishes don't come true if anyone knew what they wished for. The demons were being stupid, or in a way boasting about what they were asking for. The three could've sworn they heard the voice of a familiar lazy zombie who probably wasn't even permitted in the entranceway of the throne room's voice say,

"Dear Santa, I wish for new _clean_ underwear."

This made Akina snort.

"Idiotic."

The female demon nodded to her twin. "_Clean_ underwear? Is it _worth _it?"

" Nope, probably not Ferez. Not if it can't _stay clean_."

The siblings nodded to each other in agreement.

A/n: Another chapter completed. It's much longer than the other chapters. **  
**(celebrates the length of the chapter) R/R tell me what you think, suggest things, all that kinda stuff. It's my cousin's birthday March 1st! Happy 14th! XD You crappy person. Oh and I know several other people who I care about whose b-day is on this month as well. I can't name them all though. (Can't get through a chapter without dedicating it to anyone) The chapter after this one will be short, sorry if that's disappointing. Not only that, I don't know whether if I'll even be able to type it, with writing the other chapter on paper, and all the school crap going on. The biggest school thing is that my Spring vacation is taken by my trip to Quebec with my French class and other French students from other schools from my city. Yep. I'll pray that they have some computer's in there or some random person will bring one. If not, I may be able to finish writing some more in my notebook.

I'd appreciate some e-mail. - My e-mail is if you wanna reach me.

Preview for Chapter 5:

_I'm hearing voices. Voices I've never heard before. The owners of the voices apparently know my parents. I'm bothered and disturbed. What kind of conspiracy is being plotted? Who the hell does that annoying voice belong to? _

DUN DUN DUN!


	6. Santa Gordon

Author's Note: I don't own Disgaea.  
**Santa Gordon**

After a long time of waiting, Akina finally got to hang her little angel on a tree, and left after staring at it hanging happily. She collapsed onto her bed, feeling drained. After all that waiting and unintentional eavesdropping, she had every right to be. It's just one of those times when people talk (supposedly) top secret information so loudly that your ears just pick it up, and you don't realize you've heard more information than you needed to until it's all over.

This commonly occurs in the life of this female demon and she grew exasperated when the realization hit her. She buried her face in the  
pillow, deciding that it'd be best to retire for the night.

That slight twinge of annoyance left her with an unpleasant parting gift. The blue haired demon no longer felt exhausted. Instead, her eyes were wide open, starring into deep inky darkness, only penetrated by a small glimmer of light under the door. She resorts to counting until she falls asleep.

'_One impaled Elma. Two impaled Elma. Three impaled Elma-four!'_

She did it to no avail. Then it hit her. Maybe she was supposed to count coconuts! This must be her solution! So she tried it at once, and it worked--at least for a while. As she got to the eighty-sixth coconut, an eerie upbeat tune began to play in her head, she sat up automatically and she began to see color…a lot of it.

There were warm hues of reds yellows, oranges, painting a landscape of dusk, and cool browns and greens creating a mirage of a coconut tree. The song seemed louder and much closer all of a sudden. To Akina's horror, in came the singing.

"_I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts. There they are all standing in a row."_

The princess' world spun out of control, adding in to the delirious world of hazy yet vibrant backdrops of coconut trees, a warm sandy beach and a man playing an acoustic guitar. Singing to her. Singing for her.

"_Big ones, small ones, some as big as your-"_

_Smack!_ She left that crazy world the only way she knew she could—to feel pain. Grumbling, she massaged her throbbing cheek and attempted to fall into slumber once more.

As the tired girl reached the peak of unconsciousness, voices struck through the darkness, the hollow castle walls and reached acute ears. For a slight second her ears fidgeted.

'_Voices. Voices I've never heard before that belongs to people who apparently know my parents.'_

Being muffled by the pillow, Akina couldn't quite catch what they were talking about. But she definitely felt bothered.

'_What conspiracy is being plotted? And whom the **hell** does that annoying voice belong to?'_

He arrived in the dining room; surprised to see his family, a few vassals and some people he didn't know wearing strange attire sitting down and upon his entrance starring at him. He looked back at them absently and took a seat next to the unknown woman. The woman smiled at him, and played with his chaotic mass of chestnut hair, making it even untidier. She stopped and glanced at Laharl.

"Wow, Harlie! He's a looker, just like the little one."

As she made the comment her blue eyes turned on the said person and winked at him. The boy gave her an awkward, embarrassed sort of scowl and looked to the floor when he felt a burning sensation on his cheeks.

"Now, now, miss Jennifer!" the queen interrupted, in a voice as if singing.

Akina glared from where she sat. Who was that trollop to start hitting on her brothers and her father _during_ breakfast? She bared her teeth and clenched her fists, examining their clothes more closely than when she first saw them, and more than she needed to. Earth clothes, she decided. Definitely. They reminded her of some game called "Xenosaga" she played sometime in her childhood. Not that she cared much for it.

"Ahem. So, Gordon you_ are_ going to accept?"

The king seemed really interested in getting into the heart of the matter. Perhaps he was just trying to get to Flonne's good side, for his own selfish reasons. Perhaps he thinks it'll make this whole event run through faster. Perhaps it was one of those rare days when he genuinely wants to be…nice?

The name Gordon stopped Oskari from munching happily into his breakfast. He looked like he had been punched in the gut or hit from the back of his head as he tried to take a bite, his food falling down with a _slop_ kind of sound from his silverware back into his plate. Akina's eyes widened, twitching uncontrollably, glancing at her little brother whose eyes twinkled in admiration, so astonished he was only able to mouth 'Captain Gordon'in childish awe.

"Why, yes! In the name of all that's just!"

As soon as he spoke Akina looked ready to lose what she just ate. The magic of the legendary captain turned to dust as soon as he spoke. She immediately recognized the voice as the _annoying voice_ she had heard the previous night.

She looked at her younger sibling, grinning madly looking like a nutcase that needed to be in a straight jacket, looking ready to pounce the 'hero.' Oskari who was holding in his laugh had a chuckle escape him. His twin glanced from the many faces, quickly excused her self and ran.

As she ran down the hallways which seemed endless and taking her nowhere, she bumped into a male rogue. Well, at least he was dressed like one; there was something different and odd about him. He got up and offered her his hand. She ignored him, and stared at the ground.

"You! Whoever you are, go away!" she shrieked in between gasps of air.

"My name's Galen."

'_I don't care'_ thought Akina bitterly, and flushed as she slightly looked up, catching a glimpse of a boyish and somewhat attractive face. With a rustling sound, the queen arrived at the scene, and dropped down onto her knees, cradling her daughter and rocking her back and forth. The rogue observed with wonder that quickly changed into one of utter disbelief as the princess let out a sickening strangled sort of noise followed by unsanitary fluids collecting into large clumps of mess on the queen's cloak and plummeting messily onto the floor.

"Oh, my cloak!"

As if on cue, Sachi arrived and gasped at the sight.

'_Oh. My. Zombies…!'_

Galen managed to convince Akina to ride on his back. He wasn't worried about being vomited on at all. He was too busy pitying the queen, who is covered in the mess, the maid who has to clean it, and especially the female he carried who regurgitated the mess. He glanced at either side to see her face and smiled admirably at her. She mumbled a few incoherent words and the rogue felt horrible that the only way he could console her was to say that they were near her room. He laid her carefully on her bed and whistled lowly as he looked around. It was the first royal chamber her had ever visited. Heck, it was the first female's room he ever visited, and that was saying something considering he hasn't even seen inside his own sister's room. Akina who seemed okay despite the still pale and nauseous complexion stared blankly at her bedside table as she continuously chewed some mint gum.

"I uh… guess I should be going." "Don't. I wa-I'd like some company. Stay."

He was slightly unnerved by her monotonous voice. That wasn't the only reason he had stayed. Part of him wished to stay and was glad she was the one who asked him to.

Ferez and Oskari watched as Gordon's Santa suit was stuffed with pillows and other cushioning. The mini-Laharl jumped 'round the room excitedly, screaming Santa, like someone had stuffed red fire ants in his shorts, despite knowing that the brown-haired man _isn't_ Santa. His older brother just watched seemingly more interested in what was the next item that was to be plunged into the suit, to perfect the 'jolly belly' despite how much the hero perspired within the suit.

Meanwhile, there was some sort of battle of will going on in Akina's room. She and Galen were locked in each other's eyes as if daring the other to blink and or look away. The all too happy raven-haired maid entered, soup in hand and watched the scene in silence.

"Sachi!"

It seemed like many a minute before she snapped out of the trance, in time to catch the soup that almost fell to the floor, scrambling over to her excellence. She spilled a bit on her arm, and maintained a smile joined with a wince, but focused on whom she served.

"Here's your Chicken in hell's inferno soup!"

'_Chicken in hell's inferno…?'_

The rogue rubbed his chin in thought. He looked from one of the ladies to the other with a bewildered yet amused look on his face. He was interrupted by a cold yet curious voice.

"There's something different about you…"

The maid slipped out unnoticed, preserving the privacy.

The young man thought for a moment. Looked up at the ceiling, unable to grasp any words to answer that statement. "Where did you come from?"

He continued to look up. His nonchalant expression exchanged with a fierce sort of look, the look of internal struggle. He couldn't decide what to tell her. Heaving a sigh, he decided. He should tell the truth.

"I'm human."

They let time lapse between them that it felt like it's been eons.

"You should go."

He nodded, mumbled a goodbye, head bowed low. He knew she was being nicer than he deserved.

'_How the hell did he get here?'_

'Santa Claus' sat down on the throne, much to the overlord's annoyance.

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!"

Gordon practiced. Queen Flonne coached. Ferez giggled immensely, interrupting his mother's coaching every five minutes to ask about his costume. Oskari stood by his father playing the role of the outlet for him to vent his anger.

A/n: Finally the longingly awaited chapter. I had to redo the whole beginning. The page went missing… Well at least it's here. Again my email is Akaruimori on yahoo. There is still a bit of editing for the next chapter. Actually I'll be going over all my chapters and fixing things. Oh and I have a scanner now! I'm still working on the design for the children, adding and taking things away from my first picture of them. Well… R/R!


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